• House hunting would be a lot more fun if we were stinkin rich #
  • 29 years old today. I feel very distinguished. I need a nap. #
  • @SchusterFilms thanks man. If you need any wisdom from somebody very wise, feel free to ask. in reply to SchusterFilms #
  • Thanks, everybody, for the birthday messages. I’d like to personally buy each of you an age appropriate drink. I won’t, but that’d be neat. #
  • I was reading the manual for my oven, seeing if there were any cheat codes, and discovered that my oven has a Sabbath feature. #
  • Update: “Sabbath” feature on my oven refers to Jewish holidays, not Crazy Train. Severely disappointed. #
  • Totally mailing in the workout this morning. Does merely BEING at the gym constitute exercise? #
  • @tbonetaylor Maybe you should make a list of things you actually like. It’d be easier to keep track of. I have a post-it you can borrow in reply to tbonetaylor #
  • You know that kid who was bailed out of a foreign jail cause friends saw his tweet? Wondering if that works for somebody out of toilet paper #
  • In my research, I’ve found that most arguments can be diffused by telling the other party that they’re “acting like a wiener.” #
  • On house arrest, being that Lisa took all the car keys to work. #
  • Watching ALF on Hulu. This was not on my to-do list when I woke up. I don’t know what happened. #
  • I don’t remember pre-marital counseling covering what to do when being forced to eat a sock. #
  • @seeshellirun cmon. You lobbed this one to me. in reply to seeshellirun #
  • There’s a Lebron, a Delonte, a Zydrundas, a Sasha, an Anderson, and a Courtney on the court right now. And a Joe Smith. #
  • @normalguyguide I haven’t been that pumped since Montell Jordan released that Spurs song about “Terry Cummings gonna put it in your neck” in reply to normalguyguide #
  • I had a really smart aleck “we are all witnesses” tweet ready, but I think I’ll hang on to that one. #
  • @samlerma there are five of us. 3 on twitter in reply to samlerma #